Going Postal

Today started out great! I finally had the opportunity to sleep in until around eight this morning because I didn't have school today. It was so nice being able to catch back up on my sleep since this past week has been like, "GO! GO! GO!".

Lots of times, John and I love to eat all our meals on our table trays and watch our favorite new television episodes on Hulu. After we had finished eating breakfast, John all of the sudden realized that he had been sitting on my laptop. Last night, he had set it behind the cushion because he was too exhausted to get up and put it back on my desk before we went to bed. Turns out he broke the screen from sitting on it! Ahhhh!!!!

I don't think I have ever been more furious about anything than what I was feeling this morning! I know it was an accident and we had a full warranty on it but I just couldn't stop thinking about how I was going to live without my computer. How was I going to do my schoolwork, work on my blog, and surf the web?! I tried as hard as I could to not be upset with John since this was not his fault at all. I looked like I was about to have steam start shooting from my ears.

When I get upset I try to find anything I can do to stay busy, especially cleaning. I cleaned our house in about five minutes or less, which is a record. I started the dishes and was doing everything I could to keep my anger inside. Poor John felt so terribly bad that he said he would do anything to make it up to me and help me feel better.

I was about to get in the shower to try and calm down but I was still so angry that I couldn't even do that. I just had to break something and see how it would feel. I was always taught to keep my anger inside and not show aggression. This time was different. With all the stress in my life right now, this was my breaking point. I couldn't handle the stress from school, money stuff, thinking about how difficult and different our future is going to be, and how sometimes my closest friends and family aren't even willing to empathize with our situation and sometimes don't even seem to care; which gravely hurts my feelings.

I have never once in my life purposely broken anything out of anger but today was different. I have been angry and upset before but today I was done holding everything in. I marched out to our front porch where we are collecting a pile of things to sell at a garage sale soon. I grabbed a printer (that was still very functional), picked it up, and threw to to ground as hard as I could screaming as loud as my voice could go. The printer broke into a hundred pieces and shot everywhere on our porch. I DESTROYED IT! John just stood there in amazement. He had never seen me do something so... crazy, haha. I would have to say though, that was the the most freeing feeling I have had in a long time. I was able to just let everything go and not care! Breaking that printer gave me a feeling that everything was going to be OK.

As I broke down crying, John just held me and told me that he will always love me no matter what. He told me that he had no idea I had that in me. I had never felt better to get that out of my system. My friends always have told me that if anyone were to go postal, that it would be me, haha!

I hate having to go through trials like these but I know it makes me a stronger individual. The whole laptop situation was not even that big of a deal but everyone has a breaking point. What matters most is that you have someone that will love you and who will always be there for you when you need them the most; like what John did for me today.